In a moment of impatience, I deleted my blog posts, except for the poetry. (Today, I restored all the posts I deleted. Thank you, WordPress!)
When I became a Tibetan Buddhist, I believed I could write sincerely about my authentic experiences. However, there are times when my experiences go beyond a traditional materialistic reality.
As a fictional example, do I talk about how my practices sometimes create flying Buddhas and Bodhisattvas during my daily life? Do I mention that chairs sometimes look transparent or translucent? Do I mention strange dakinis or angels flying out of my bones?
If I talk about it, do I create the illusion of pride? Do I misrepresent Tibetan Buddhism? Do I cause anger in others who do not have the same experiences as me? Do I confuse the reader? Do I create negative karma? Am I creating the view that I am delusional? Do I break samaya? The questions continue.
Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche, a very wise and humble man, speaks directly to this question. His view tends to be that it is best only to talk about your practices with the same people who are practicing them. In this case, the idea is not to speak or write about these practices in an open environment, for the discussion could create the five poisons: ignorance, attachment, aversion, pride, and jealousy.
When I think about this concept of keeping the practices to myself, there is a feeling of closing down the shop of this blog. Therefore, I deleted my posts.
<no blog here. go the other direction!>
Now, I have had some time to think about the question further. Why am I blogging in the first place? Authenticity! Insight into my path for myself and others! Understanding! An open dialogue with my readers, even if they are few.
I respect Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche more than I respect myself! I don’t know if that’s possible in this ego-filled world of my mind. But, I have to remind myself of the Buddha’s advice on investigating the self thoroughly.
Shutting down a blog is shutting down not only myself but the dharma. Without writing, I cannot grow as a human being. It’s like taking away the paint brush from the famous calligraphers in Tibet, China, Japan, and so on. It’s like removing the guitar from George Harrison before he created some of the greatest songs of the centuries. The pen or computer stroke or guitar moves the spirit!
So, today I hope to continue my blog similar to the concept of Open Source in the computer industry. My Tibetan Buddhist journey is not proprietary. It is not owned by me or anybody else. It belongs to the public, and they don’t have the right to change the words here, but they certainly have the right to read freely about my experiences and use these ideas as a path toward their enlightenment.
An online friend, Ryderjaphy, whom I view as a dear friend in real life (though I have never met him physically), writes openly about his experience as a Vajrayana Buddhist practitioner for over 30 years. It’s time to be bold and not hide behind any projected view of Buddhism I might have.
So, the posts have returned. I plan to write about my projected ego, my faults, my misperceptions, my practices, and everything else that hopefully will free me from my selfish pride or guilt of what this blog should or should not be. If I break a vow, tell me. If I gossip, tell me. This blog is a reflection of the world, and at some point, I hope we all can cut through toward emptiness, clarity, and luminosity.
As Robert Frost reminds us, “I have miles to go before I sleep.” I will continue writing for sentient beings!